America's Pastime

Baseball has long been considered America's pastime, and in their effort to be this shittiest school in history, Iowa State quit having a baseball team in 2001. Frankly, it angers me that of the Big 4 sports, Iowa only gets to win at 3 of them because the cowards who, with a business school on par with AIB, couldn't figure out how to pay for a baseball team. This leaves Iowa's record last year at 3-0 with one no contest. Football, basketball, and wrestling count here. Maybe if we all moved to Canada hockey could count, but who are you kidding this is Iowa and wrestling matters. Well done, ISU for not having a baseball team, reaching new heights of idiocy and incompetance.

Salute to Rashawn Parker

Rashawn Parker is probably the best player on Iowa State's team. No Cyclones managed to make First or Second Team all Big 12 last year, but D-Lineman Rayshawn Parker did manage to be an honorable mention. I credit whatever success he has to whatever extra Hawkeye energy was placed in him by Marshal Yanda back when he was a freshman. Unfortunately for Parker, I took Spanish with Rafael Eubanks awhile back, and seeing how good our offensive line is this year, I feel another conmoción cerebral coming on. It must be terrible to have this braindead fool be your best player.

Don't remember the hit? Well here it is: http://www.vidilife.com/video_play_832243_Marshal_Yanda_s_Huge_Hit.htm

Youtube has a version with music that sort of ruins it for me. When watching it with the ESPN announcers I really enjoy hearing the reaction of the fans at Kinnick to the replays being shown on the big scoreboard TV. What's Yanda up to these days you may wonder? Still kicking ass and starting at Right Guard for the Baltimore Ravens.

Get Paid Because Iowa State Sucks

Hello friends, Hawk Fans, Cyclone Haters, and anyone who has ever contemplated stealing chemical weapons to release them on Ames,

I have been inspired by a friend of mine, who has decided to profit off the Pittsburgh Pirates with a simple betting strategy: bet against them at every chance. You can read about his exploits at http://betagainstthepirates.com/. I will be doing something similar by betting against Iowa State whenever I possibly can, and will keep everyone updated on the results of this here. As of today there isn't a moneyline or spread for the North Dakota State game, which probably means that the sportsbooks don't believe 11 people in Ames know how to put on a football uniform and ISU will end up forfitting the game. I look forward to spending my winnings from their football mediocrity on my trip to whatever bowl game Iowa ends up going to this year. I will be sure to bring home lots of memories so Cylcone fans can remember the glory days when they got to go to Wyoming for the postseason. I would say ISU will make a bowl game again when hell freezes over, but that is simply a terrible expression. It gets below freezing in Ames every winter, so I'm not really sure where that comes from. Let's just say it's not going to happen.

As a corollary to Iowa State sucking, I have a theory that Minnesota sucks too. Their crappy state provides a lot of students for whatever animal doctoring bullshit, wish they were cool enough to go to Iowa and be a real doctor things they do in Ames. This must only be because the University of Minnesota sucks too, and a similar plan is in the works for betting against the Golden Gophers. Hopefully that turns into lots of gold for me.



Results to follow, LET'S GO HAWKS!